This incident happened when you were 3 years old. One day, as usual, you had played with your toys and they were thrown all over the place. So when your play was over, I asked you to clean up your toys and then we will eat apples. So here’s how the incident progressed:
Amma: Vi, pick up all your toys from the kitchen, please. Keep all of them in your room and then we’ll eat some apples.
Vi: No
After 5 seconds
Vi: NO, NO!
I was naturally surprised at your aggression but decided to play it down.
Amma: Okay. Then I am going to cut the apples and eat them.
Vi: NO! I want apples.
After 5 seconds of thought
Vi: Vi keep toys inside and then eats apples.
I was happy that you decided to change your mind and came around by yourself after giving the options a thought. We hugged and made up. I helped you with the keeping the toys inside and we had apples later.
What I want to tell you now is that Vi, it’s perfectly okay to say, “NO” at times. There will be a lot of situations in the future when you don’t really feel that it’s the right thing but are not able to express yourself but I hope you will find your voice to say NO to things that you feel aren’t right. I have been a “YES” person for most of my life. In most of the situations, to avoid conflict I have chosen to just nod my head and say Yes. But not anymore. Now I say what I feel and sometimes I go too far😆 (I am still learning dear).
Your Papa and I have talked about a few situations where we have told you to exercise your “NO”.
1. When someone touches you in a way you don’t like, yell “NO”.
2. When a kid hits you or tries to hurt you, show him your disapproval and scream “NO”.
3. When you don’t want to eat what is being served, a polite “No”.
4. When you see someone hurting another person, be compassionate and say “NO”.
5. When you grow up and go out with friends, if you see someone or even your friends misbehaving to a girl, slap a resounding, “NO”.
6. When someone you love, asks you for a help that you know you can’t do, a gentle, “No”.
7. As you grow, you may feel the need to do things that you don’t really like but do it only out of peer pressure. When you come to a juncture like this, I hope and pray that you can say a confident self-assured “No”.
It is really okay to say “No”.
The First Ray of the Sun - Vihaan 
It is indeed okay to say NO and to teach our children this valuable lesson by practicing it ourselves is indeed priceless 🙂
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Yes, I feel leading by example the most difficult task in the parenting roller coaster. First I have to stop a bad habit before I can tell my son to stop. Else it just doesn’t make sense to me. Thanks for reading Era.
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I really enjoyed the way you wrote this, Uma. I mean, saying NO often comes from us – and that’s what thye pick up first too. But yes, we can work on it together, I suppose.
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We are always telling them ‘no’ and again telling not to say ‘no’ to us. But I think by doing that we are making them lose trust in their own instincts. Which they need to have and own as a part of their being. But we need to say no when we feel that it’s the time for no. 🙂 I don’t know if you understand what I mean 😊
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Truly a confusing situation for the child. We are telling them No ourselves yet fight it out when they say a no.
Most times instead of using the term , it would work to sit around and explain the reason for the same .
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I totally agree with you. Many a times, I have felt the same and as you said we try to explain. It used to work till last year. Now whatever rhyme or reason we give, he just doesn’t understand. So at times we go back to just saying NO. I am not really proud of that but sometimes that’s what works.
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